I say this because, first of all, your future husband deserves to be with someone who is crazy about him, and not secretly pining away for another guy.
I mean, really. It would break your heart. Also, if your partner feels your ambivalence and trust me, he might not KNOW but he will still FEEL the truth it can lead to anxiety in the relationship that will wind up pushing you further away, over time. Even though it feels impossible now there can come a time when your Ex is literally not even a though in your head. Just not important. But getting there takes intentional, strategic work.
Gotta do the work! Thank you so much for your podcast. It has really shed some light on how and why I feel like I do. My ex and I were together for 11 years in a relationship that was never great from the start mainly due to my jealousy. I blame myself for the breakup because I was a very jealous, insecure and a paranoid partner. I would go as far as saying somewhat controlling, although I never intended to be or was aware of my behaviour being that way.
We share two children and have to remain in contact for their benefit. This has caused me to just push her further away. We have recently spent time together with both of our children, it was really nice and just made me feel like we were a family again.
I think it just gave me hope that we could work things out, that there was still something there between us. I guess I am still hoping she will change her mind and her and my children will come back to me so we can be a family again and do all the things we talked about doing as a family.
The pain is so bad. I am glad to know that the podcast has helped you get perspective and compassion for yourself. I do hope that you continue to engage in the type of growth and healing work that will help you get closure, release the attachment, and move on emotionally. Sounds like you have a couple of kiddos there depending on you.
This podcast was wonderful and hopeful. My challenge has been in social media checking of an ex who ghosted me a couple years ago. I completely agree. This pattern is not something that is going to be resolved by me dropping one miraculous nugget of advice, however there is something that can help. Then, when you get really good at that part, in time, your new cognitive skills will make it so that this person is just no longer a thought in your head.
Wishing you all the best, Dr. Thank you so much Dr. You really know your stuff. I listened to your podcast before falling asleep and I woke up the next morning feeling great. The triggers were less intense. I believe I am at the longing, guilt and jealousy phase. I have been very confused by my ex coming into my life to tell me she was in a relationship with this guy that we both worked with. We broke up last year in may but finally separated in September.
She called me in December because her mother died and I helped her though it. I would stay on the phone with her until she feel asleep. Before helping her I did ask her was she talking to the guy and she said no. I did not respond until after July 9th. She told me she did have a relationship with the guy but he blocked her. She subconsciously took advantage of me and I allowed it. You helped me realized my anger was with myself and I had jealousy for that relationship because she stopped having sex with me a long time ago.
And she brought him in before we finally separated but had the nerve to call. Your pod cast really help. Hi Liam! This is fantastic.
I listened to this podcast and really wished that it helped me somehow. I always saw positive in negative, and never dwelled on negative too much. I have had really hard past three years, everything kind of started spiraling down since when my ex started treating me more aggressively mentally and on that time I did not see, that he was being like this only because his own problems and issues which he did not want to confront.
So I had told him in our fights, crying, that he is really ripping my heart apart of how he is being — and he just had this satisfactory smile at him at that time. He never believed my tears, as I have my own issues of taking everything very personally and getting hurt quite easily because of my past. So on my birthday in May, I told him in the morning before work he was unemployed all years that maybe he could think of some place where we could go for a picnic because it was a sunny and nice day for a long time and go and get Falafel with us and come pick me up at work.
So he did come, he also brought flowers then I think it was second time in all relationship when he brought me flowers — and we were together then for 7 years and we drove to very nice place at the beach. I really felt peace and calmness and nice inside to be with my partner, having this kind of bday and not party.
And I enjoyed kind of silence as well, since at that time, I kind of was already getting more sad about life, but not much. I was so confused and hurt and no words came out of me, so we just went home, as I always was a people pleaser I know now what to work on. He never did apologize for this. In the same year summer time we were in Sardignia, Italy — and we enjoyed there time with other pair — our friends.
At one point I got message on my phone from my gamer friend because I did play PC games as well and because we got along good he is from another part of the world he had sent me his progress of him doing sports — so he sent me picture of his naked upper body and my bf then saw that and asked why does he send me these kind of pictures? He got really angry very fast. So he got so mad that in when it was night, he kicked me out of the bedroom, told me to sleep on sofa and also threw me with my heavy handbag which was in that room.
I got so hurt and cried because I was thinking in the time — I did not do anything wrong.. Of course now I understand that he had his own issues and a low self-esteem but I NEVER gave him any doubt of him having the low self-esteem.
I guess it got stuck with him since his ex, before me, cheated on him…. Then few months later on same year, I had booked a trip for us together to neighboring country — our home country.
I had free weekend and really wanted to enjoy spending time with him. We went by ship. I was busy of cleaning the apartment before leaving.
So I did not do anything on that day after to him.. How come someone does not see or believe that other person loves him when she is next to him and doing everything and loving him for who he is?! So in the evening he apologized but I did not accept this apology in my heart and soul at all..
So I just let myself and my body be kind of used again, not standing up for myself. Because from early time of relationship I learned that it is pointless to stand up for myself, because I do not know nothing and am stupid his words. So after new year, I told him, you know what? And he started to cry — first time in our 8 years being together.
How come NOW after all this time, he is allowing himself to cry in front of me? Then he kind of tried being the man for me but I had somehow started to loose interest in him and had someone else in mind from another country.
So I told him that, honestly, because honesty is nr1 for me in relationship. And after that, he first accepted and told me hopefully other guy is nice and offers me something he couldn't and later he came visiting me many times we lived apart for half a year and took me snowboarding and on the mountain went on his knees and begged me not to go.
After I came back from the trip, I told him it was over between me and him. BUT again, I did not want it to be over, but his family started to call me and tell me stop torturing him and just leave him if you must or want etc. So I felt like noone is giving me time and I just again did for others to be satisfied.
After two weeks of being "separated" I told him to please meet me and to have a talk. Because I really felt that it was so wrong what I was doing and I love him and want to fix things with him but I would need time to heal from all this pain which he caused and which I caused for myself, so I would not want nothing sexual but just comfort for some time because I really was very fucked up sorry for the language here mentally.
So yes, we got back together kind of, but he was not satisfied of giving me time to heal and not being sexually active as well and he told me he took advise of his friend and told me it will be "everything or nothing". So I said after giving thought of it all that ok everything, but I didn't expect him to be very suspicious, jealous, angry, that he'd spit on me, and didn't believe me that when I told him I did not have anything with this other guy….
In summer we went for a trip by car with Europe. We had our fun and nice times there, but I felt him being not at ease. Then I moved back to my home country neighbor country in the end of summer, because I had planned this after he had kicked me out in spring time when I left him from his friend's apartment yes he told me to get out of the apartment, he did not want his friend to have me there etc.
So when I moved back and started to work I felt like I am killing myself. Really killing the authentic me to be someone who I don't want to be at all, against all my worldviews etc with this company that I started to work for. So I booked us again a small cabin next to lake and inside woods in the country he is living in I had many choices so I asked him as well which would be best one. I even borrowed money from friend for booking, because I did not get yet my first salary. So when we drove there — he asked me how much it cost and I told him that he shouldn't worry about it, but he got really angry and demanded to tell him.
I already felt that it will not turn out good. And so I told him and he got angry and told me I am stupid to pay so much money for it etc.. I was kind of hurt again because really, for me, I don't care of money if I want to enjoy time with my loved one somewhere… But I did not say anything back, only that it is not at all his worry and I paid for it so he shouldn't care of it.
I really dislike money talks. So when we were there at the cabin all was okay but then we went on small boat to go fishing on the lake, then at one point, I wanted to try the fishing as well, and the hook got stuck in my sleeve, and we tried to get it out, for 2 min or so, unsuccessfully.
So he just gave up and told me that I am boring person to be with. So he paddled the boat to the shore and left me there, it took 5 minutes for me to get the hook off and I bled as well in the end. I was again so sad and just hurt of this situation.
I went inside after that and saw him just sitting in his phone. I asked if he wanted to come out to the woods with me or not, I was so sad and hurt but I still wanted to spend time with him and cared for him. So all calmed down after that. By Alison. How to deal with an ex can be an issue that presents us with a lot of problems when that ex refuses to accept their changed status in your life. Here are some helpful hints on how to handle a persistent ex ….
If you are quite certain that the relationship is over, then make that clear to them. Continuing contact gives them hope that you may reverse your decision.
All that it will achieve is to make them think that any time they want, they can call you for a repeat performance. Anna Bey posted a blog entry in Youtube , October The School of Life posted a blog entry in Youtube , October All Activity Home Does persistence work in reconciliation?
Does persistence work in reconciliation? Start new topic. Recommended Posts. YHKen Posted February 4, Posted February 4, Hi everyone, I've posted my case here a few days ago, abut my long and complicated story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options Batya33 Posted February 4, Clinton Posted February 4, No but it can lead to a restraining order. Tired of the poking yet?
Leave her alone. Hi Batya33, Thanks for your reply. Reconciliation takes 2 people. Not one. She isn't interested so it will never happen. DoF Posted February 4, Movingforward3 Posted February 4, ParisPaulette Posted February 4, Harassing her is only going to drive her away..
Iggy Posted February 4, Does she even reply to this contact? How long since you've actually spoken to her? Shane Falco Posted February 4, SeanCages Posted February 4, If she texted you that after 6 months, it means you reached her limit.
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